Filthy Casual Rules
Drink everytime you touch your face.
Drink everytime there is a flashback.
Drink eveyttime someone is in a hazmat suit.
Drink everytime someone uses science jargon.
Drink everytime someone dies on screen.
Survival Mode Rules
Anytime Alan rants.
Drink when you see title cards.
Drink everytime someone is sick on screen.
Take a shot or finish your drink when Gweneth Paltrow perishes.
Caronavirus has us all stuck at home sitting on thrones of bulk toilet paper rolls and canned goods. The cabin fever has begun to creep in as the viral menace breeds its way deep into the population. So what do we do? We drink and watch movies about viruses to scare the piss out of ourselves. Today we are covering Contagion, and the brew of choice? Obviously Carona. Plus you get some vitamin C with the lime.
Side note, get the Corona delivered if you can. Avoid the crowds. One of the only good things about this virus is that it was so damaging to the Carona brand that its on sale. Let’s get to the rules of this game.
Filthy Casual Mode – These five rules are for the average person who wants a buzz but not to push it.
Rule 1. Touching your face – This one might be hard mode for a lot of you and really should be careful. While watching this film if you touch your face take a drink. We’re gonna train that habit out of you. Also, if you find yourself a full beer in after doing this, please don’t continue but learn to keep your grubby fingers out of your face.
Rule 2. Flashbacks – Anytime someone flashes back to the past, take a drink. When we follow Gweneth Paltrow into a time where she died instead of selling vagina candles, it is usually to track the virus in the past. Celebrate this alternate timeline of a Goopless future by taking a drink.
Rule 3. Hazmat suits – Like a responsible teenager on prom night, lots of people get wrapped up in synthetic suits. Anytime you see someone in a Hazmat suit, take a drink.
Rule 4. Science Jargon – Anytime the movie attempts to flex its scientific accuracy, take a drink. When officials explain things about the virus, or the language becomes an incomprehensible gobbldy gook of big words, drown your regrets for never becoming a micro biologist with a drink.
Rule 5. On Screen Death – Honor the dead, take a swig anytime you see a body on the screen or death. There are some mass graves so don’t do this for each one, just a scene. I don’t want you to join them.
Rule 5. Showing Infection in Real Time – Anytime the camera zooms in on something a person touches to show how they infected something, take a drink. This includes bowls of peanuts, bus railings, and more. This one is like the touching your face lesson. Don’t rub your snot on everything you runny nosed fool.
Survival Mode: Warning, once you leave this quarantine zone you take your health into your own hands. Be careful and drink responsibly. And maybe put some rubber gloves on too.
Rule 6. Visible Signs of Illness – Anytime you see some poor bastard on screen with visible signs of illness, take a drink. Coughing, snot bubbling, blotchy faces, all of it. Get ready to pickle your liver keeping up with the plague victims.
Rule 7. Alan Rants – Everyone’s favorite conspiracy theorist and snake oil salesman often finds himself railing against an oppressive government. Anytime he starts to go on a more lucid Alex Jones type rant take a drink.
Rule 8. Title Cards – Anytime you see a title card, take a drink. Now, I know this doesn’t sound all that difficult but this movie hops all around the world and takes its establishing shots very seriously. Prepare to cure your corona with everyone’s favorite antiseptic, alcohol.
Critical Shot: The Critical Shot is when an event happens and you have to take a shot or finish your drink. Today’s shot happens when Gweneth Paltrow has her insides turned to goop. Take a shot when she perishes. Do it for Matt Damon.
That’s the game! If you have any house rules you would like to add toss them in the comments below. Also suggest some other movies you would like gamified.